To Shiv or To Shank?

shiv5I’m smart enough to know that there is a big difference between a tough guy and a wise ass.  Since I trip most awkwardly into the latter category I endeavor to keep my social offenses somewhere between poor table manners and moving violations. Yes, it’s a cold bit of truth, but if I ever landed in jail I’d be passed around faster than a joint in a college dorm.

Still, even if there wasn’t the constant fear of gang rape I’m not sure prison would be the place for me. I mean I’m not even up on the lingo. For example, let’s say seconds after my incarceration I’m approached by a gang member looking to trade me for a pack of smokes. Do I shiv him with a shank or shank him with a shiv? It’s all too confusing. No I think I’ll just play it safe and resist the temptation to crack that crabby barista across the cranium with a coffee grinder.  Or better yet, why tempt fate.  Maybe it’s time I bought a Keurig.

  • A Related Note: I did a little research in case you were wondering. Turns out that a shank is used for stabbing while a shiv is used for slashing. Of course, this factoid came courtesy of blog fan, CBlockPimp847 so I’m not really sure off its validity.