9 Box Truths
Ever since that crotchety, old “Jack”-off endorsed the concept, organizations across the globe have been using this tool to dissect the relative performance contributions of their employees. It’s a reasonable idea. After all, companies routinely appraise their other assets. Why not do the same with its human resources?
The trouble is, the average HR person operates almost exclusively on anecdotal evidence. Can’t blame them really. Math, science and facts in general rarely appear in college courses on Elizabethan poetry. HR folks get the concept of operational models and leading and lagging indicators, but actually putting them into practice is another matter. So instead of quantitative analysis on performance contribution and potential career pathing, managers are left with labels like “diamond in the rough” and “high professional plus”. These of course don’t mean shit to anyone who actually works for a living – which really isn’t a problem since most leaders never tell their people that they discussed them much less in which box they were placed.
For those who’ve even wondered, I thought I’d provide the inside scoop into what those labels actually mean.
- FML – Fuck my Luck (You’re so fired)
- DILLGAF – Do I Look Like I Give a Fuck?
- MIA – Missing in Action (You should be fired)
- DND – Do not Disturb (What? Someone has to work around here)
- POW – Prisoner of Work
- FNG – Fucking New Guy
- FIDD – Fuck it, Drive On
- FFS – Future Fucking Star
- PFM – Pure Fucking Magic
If you have any self-awareness you should be able to find your place in the pecking order. Once you do you can:
A – Ask for a raise
B – Get the resume in order
C – Keep your head down and hope Lumbergh doesn’t make you come in on Saturday