Optim Mortis

18.sheen“Optim Mortis” – To be overly optimistic about the physical appearance of the recently deceased.

There is always some knucklehead at a wake who blurts out, “Oh, he looks so good.”

Hey, I get it. You’re uneasy. It’s awkward. There’s really no right thing to say. Well, in those instances I find it helpful to just shut the fuck up.

Trust me on this one. The person in question doesn’t look good. I saw former mentor of mine a week before he keeled over from a heart attack. He had a head cold at the time and looked like a bag of soupy shit. Death didn’t help matters.

I realize most people are afraid of silence so it’s doubtful that you’ll manage to nod and hug your way through the ordeal. So if you must speak try something simple like, “I’m sorry for your loss.” Then melt to the back of the room and look for a tasteful exit.

  • A Related Note: Skip the last part of the advice if the mourners in question are of the leprechaun variety.  The Irish throw a hell of an after party. You’ll likely get ear raped by an accordion, but the way they pour the booze you’ll lose all sense of hearing by the third rendition of Danny Boy.