As I may have mentioned, I have more brothers than Howard University. In fairness, a few are of the step / half variety, but that hardly changes the reality that my parents were fabulous fornicators with a clear aversion to condoms. Sluts! Of course they also weren’t the most creative of people seeing as how I have two brothers named Nick, but that’s a tale for another time.
One of the pack, a burly, overtly heterosexual fireman has a rambunctious Chihuahua named Brody. Go figure.
Now this is more of a visual tale so you have to realize that Jay is a bit of a cartoon character. First off, he has a 5th degree black belt in Jujitsu. To compliment the imposing size and skills he legitimately sounds like Tony Soprano. Given this, it’s no surprise that people typically acquiesce to his wishes. Unfortunately the same can’t be said for dogs.
Last year on Brody’s birthday, Jay-bop decided to surprise the pup with a steak dinner. (I know, right?) Anyway, he prepared the meal, put it on a plate and then, well, released the hound. To no one’s surprise but Jay’s, Brody snagged the sirloin and darted to the living room where he proceeded to greedily chomp away at the carcass.
Witnessing the certain demise of his white carpet, Jason went ape-shit and chased Brody about the house – scolding him via a slew of profanity for his lack of table manners. We struggled to start the video camera as the two careened over, under and through a series of home furnishings dislodging decorations as they went.
In fairness my brother was a few cocktails deep by the time he unveiled the meal, but he actually expected the dog to sit up right, draped in a linen neck napkin and have at the steak with a knife and fork. In the end, Brody bested the giant, proving once again that cardio is a vital element of one’s fitness regimen.
My brothers. They may not be the brightest lot, but they have high expectations and that has to count for something.