Craig’s List Scammers

I’m so sick of Prince Nabu assuring me that his personal courier will pay top dollar for my used box spring and dirt collection if only I would forward my most intimate financial details to his man servant, Akeam. What part of cash only and local buyer do you not understand?

Of course when faced with virtual frustration, you know, the kind where you can’t go strangle the offender, sarcasm can be your only recourse. After being propositioned by a similar scammer recently, I penned the following retort. Feel free to use a similar response if it will prevent a murderous rampage. Trust me, if you’re snarky enough to enjoy my Zen humor, you probably won’t do well in prison.

Greetings Your Highness,

I’m happy to forward the requested information to your underling. The thing is, I can’t accept cash. I find the handling of currency pedantic and troubling so best I send my Pay Pal information directly to your personal shipper, as I’m sure you are currently on a peacekeeping submarine with only intermittent access to the Internet. Of course if that doesn’t work for you given the recent outbreak of civil war in your poor yet resolute kingdom, I’d be happy to set up a wire transaction using my personal banking information.

Oh wait, how silly of me to discuss financial matters with a man of your stature. Forgive me. Perhaps I should send you my social security number and a generous donation to your cult … um, country’s religious organization. What was that name again?  Can’t All Support Hope? Oh forget it, I’ll just make the check out to CASH. What was your address again?

Somewhat sincerely,

Jackson Holiday

  • A Related Note: Ever since they removed the erotic section, Craigslist has become largely useless. At least in the old days I could find a low-budget hooker or a reasonably priced kidney. Now I’m forced to troll the “Therapeutic” section for romance and the “Materials” section for miscellaneous body parts. It’s all terribly inconvenient.