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Laser Eye Surgery

I’m no holy man, but this, my friends, is an abomination. There is nothing natural about sticking things in your peepers. I dodge eyes drops, cringe from contacts, and would rather someone slice out my spleen with a bread knife than sit still while some half-assed Han Solo with a post doc plays a game of Blast the Cornea.

Laser eye surgery is like screwing a goat. Sure, it might make you feel better, but just ain’t right.