I have nothing against the raisin. I just think it’s one of those foods you need to be emotionally prepared for to enjoy. I freakin’ hate it when a raisin sneaks up on me unexpectedly. In a bagel, in a cookie, in a salad, for the love of God. I bite into a raisin unknowingly and I’m...

I understand the desire to live a healthy lifestyle, but when you continuously pepper a clearly exasperated waitress with inquires about a piece of poultry’s upbringing, exercise schedule, and dietary regiment you’ll likely get bitch slapped by the law of diminishing marginal returns –...

I don’t care what people say. These things have no flavor and no purpose other than getting stuck in my teeth. I hate them only slightly less than poppy seeds, which also wreak havoc on one’s dental geography. Of course, poppy seeds trump the former in Zen shitting by skewing the results...

            I didn’t think a food could actually work its way to the douchebag section of this literary work, but I was wrong. I only kept it in the miscellaneous chapter out of spite, but seriously I could have gone the other way. How could a company take something as wholesome and...