Pizza Sex

Sex is like pizza. We all have our favorite restaurant, the one that makes the best pies in town. Still, if that place is closed or for some reason decides to go on strike, a hungry man will order Dominos. Sure it’s not as good, but they deliver and you don’t have to talk about your...

Your Cat

Cats suck. Yes, even yours. There is nothing special about your feline. It isn’t cute. It doesn’t listen. And it can’t do any tricks. It’s just a four-legged, furry prick that scratches my furniture, pees the most ungodly smelling substance on the planet, and makes me sneeze. Cats are...

Harsh Blow-offs

You don’t want to sleep with me. Fair enough. I don’t expect to instantly moisten the love tunnel of every bar skank in cougar town. But there’s no need to shoot down my sexual advances with a ballistic missile. Last month I made the subtle miscalculation of hitting on a recently wed,...