Dandruff

Just another helpful sex prevention tool. Who needs condoms or open sores? Nothing says “you’re jerking off tonight” like large flakes on a rented prom...

Laser Eye Surgery

I’m no holy man, but this, my friends, is an abomination. There is nothing natural about sticking things in your peepers. I dodge eyes drops, cringe from contacts, and would rather someone slice out my spleen with a bread knife than sit still while some half-assed Han Solo with a post doc...

Jazzercise

I recently saw a fresh “I heart Jazzercise” bumper sticker on a late model, luxury SUV.  This disturbed me on many levels.  First, I hate bumper stickers. Why would you purposefully desecrate your vehicle only to act as an unpaid pitchman for some thankless corporation that charged you...