Sasquatch Girl

Would you ever date a girl who didn’t shave?  Sorry, I don’t speak French. Seriously, I’m sure Sasquatch has a lovely personality, but I’m not taking her to the...

Sarcastic Homeless

You are always complaining. What makes you smile?  So I’m walking to the coffee shop this morning (think diner, not Star-tards) and as is my habit, I’m working some ideas around and singing to myself. In this case the tune was Billy Joel’s “She’s Right on Time”. Maybe it was the...

Marketing

I’m so sick of marketing. It’s everywhere. Why? ’Cause it works. Forget bottled water. Think “essential” oils. There is a whole industry devoted to selling women various forms of scented Crisco for fifty bucks an ounce. What’s so essential about a lavender mist air rejuvenator? ...

Perfect Woman

What’s the perfect woman? For me, it all comes down to balance. I look for high intoxication and low...

Love Languages

What’s the most effective love language?      I’m assuming you don’t speak Hooker. In that case, I’d opt for Spanish with Chinese subtitles. Forget the pop psychology, Susan. Love is a numbers game. You want to score you have to shoot the puck. Just be yourself and slap it in...

Bad Breath

People tell me I have bad breath. Any home remedies? First of all, stop playing switch. (Sticking one thumb up your ass and the other in your mouth and then, well, switching.) That’s no cure for boredom. Telling someone they have bad breath is one of the most socially awkward things a person...