Hipster

What is a hipster? It’s a poorly dressed, liberal-leaning, self-indulgent lun-i-ac that has yet to realize that their androgynous fashion statements have already been run through by Diane Keaton and Elvis Costello. They often attempt to convince themselves of their own coolness by shunning...

Personalized License...

Jackson, I’m thinking of getting a personalized license plate. Any ideas? Yes, stick your head in the oven. This sort of state sponsored Twinkie-dickness makes me want to cause a twenty-car pile up. The other day I saw this Ford Focus driving jacktard with a license plate that read...

Flying Time

I feel like life is moving too fast. How can I slow down? Time doesn’t pass you by. You experience every second. Want it to slow down?  Go to the dentist, stand in a bank line, or visit your...

High Times

Were people in the 70s really high all the time? First off, thank you for assuming that Jesus was in my homeroom class. Seriously, how old do you think I am? Your question is a no brainer.  Let’s say you were able to gloss over the subtle clues of rampant drug use like disco, the fashion...

The Proposal

I want to propose to my girlfriend without being cliché’.  Any ideas? I know as much about romance as I do East Hungarian cabinet making, but if you want something out of the ordinary try looking ahead. A lot of guys propose on the site of their first date or make reference to a special...

Toilet Text

Is it okay to use my smartphone in the bathroom? No, you savage. Texting on the toilet is the social equivalent of masturbating in church. I know Gen-Y is all about multi-tasking, but forcing forth a properly formed fecal formation takes concentration. So pay attention, damn it. On the off...