Doggie Costumes

            It’s not enough that you castrate your little Lhasa Apso. You have to hack off his dignity as well, by dressing him as a gay pirate for Halloween? Enough with the doggie costumes already. While you’re taking pictures and saying, “How cute,” your pup is tapping out a...

Elevator Farts

            Ever set one off a second before the door closes. Sure, you think you’re home free and that the gas will dissipate before the next stop. It’s then you see a ninja-like arm slice through the gap, forcing the automatic doors to reopen. The unlucky person steps in and...

Shrink Wrapped Liter...

I realize that you are made of high quality “pleather” like those knock off Members Only jackets I used to buy off the back of a truck in Chinatown in the mid 1980s. Still, your posh binding and allegedly embossed cover hardly warrants being encased in Saran wrap like some fetish-inclined...

Limitations

Legendary comedian Rowan Atkinson said once in a bit, “I wouldn’t trust him to sit the right way on a toilet seat.” As a well-traveled, well-read individual, I never imagined myself being that guy.  Then I went to Japan. To be fair, seen through Western eyes, the country is akin to...

Jesus Food

      There is a dish commonly served in restaurants all around Asia called “Buddha Jumped Over the Wall in a Clay Pot.” I’m not shitting you. Look it up. Anyway, that to me screams accessibility, humility, and a pretty good sense of humor. Want to get people excited about the body of...